I voted for Obama.


Then I ogled some blondes and this one girl who looked like Lisa Barbuscia.

Does anybody know how to get candle wax out of pants? Long story short, I tipped my candle over...onto my pants.

So today after a frustrating session of D&D I went to Walgreen's with my mother for toilet paper. While buying toilet paper we bought this big pack of lighters - the kind with the triggers that you have to hold buttons on to ignite.
When we got home we tested each of them out. I got one with a silver body that emits red flames. Everyone else said they didn't feel too comfortable with me carrying a lighter with an adjustable head. Cretins.
But RED FLAMES. My old lighters only emitted, like, shitty match-y bluish flames when they decided "oh hey I'm going to work now!". This one works all the time.
I'm going to name her Sylvia. That's a pretty name for a woman. I don't have a girlfriend, and I sure as hell won't need one now that I have Sylvia. Sylvia and I lit some candles and melted wax away from the wicks because the wicks started to, like, drown in wax after a while.

Then I got bored and poured some wax on my arms. Felt nice.
How was everyone else's day?

I've decided I'm going to brave the airports one more time before moving to a foreign country - around the end of next month I'm going to go to Rockford, Illinois with my mother to visit family up there.
It doesn't look like my grandfather has a whole lot of time left and I kind of would like to see him before he goes. He had a stroke a couple of years ago, and then a particularly nasty one in April 2006 or 2007. My aunt's cat, Jones, is also pretty old and oh lawdy do I love that cat. She's, like, funny. But since cats don't live terribly long I'd like to see her before she goes as well. My aunt's dog...eh, whatever. She's got plenty of time left on this world and I'm not much of a dog person. She also ate this really good pizza one day and that pissed me off to no end.
Anyshit, I hate airports. Ever since 9/11 I've been pulled out of line for those stupid racial profiling things they've been doing...where they feel you up and run a baton over you because they think the buttons to your pants contain explosive devices because you look foreign. I wouldn't mind the feeling up part if the feeler-uppers were Laura Bertram or Laura Harris, but when the guy grabbing my goods looks like Salmonius from Hercules I get a little uncomfortable. They can claim they're not profiling all they want, but it's what they're doing.

On second thought, maybe having the two aforementioned actresses feel me up isn't such a great idea...I really like them and while the old men wouldn't be able to set off any explosions in my pants the two actresses would and that would be very embarassing.
"Alright, try to hold...still."
"D:"
"Someone get this guy a towel."

Since I haven't contributed anything since like...mid-last year and I promised the world and space something when I signed up, and then again on January 18, 2007 I guess I ought to make good on this and contribute one of my "great literary works" or the other.
I might have been justified in bitching about how judgemental people were of me when I was a little younger (actually, no I wasn't and if I could go back in time I'd punch myself in the face) but now that I'm almost twenty I really should get off my lazy ass and do something before I work myself into a rut like the rest of my family.
So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to, like, write some short stories and submit them to magazines. For the one person in Finland or outer space or Outer Finland who reads this, could you please give me the names to some magazines I could submit to? I have a high school education and no real experience writing. I'm working for a college education. I want to scoop dead animals off the street for phat cash but I need experience.
tl;dr: Give me the name of a magazine I can submit to that will accept what some may call shit, that will get me lots and lots of negative feedbacks with bittersweet suggestions as to how I can improve my technique. An example of what I want is this...

Submission> Submission.
Response, abridged> Shitsux, first-timer. Here are some suggestions: bittersweet 1, bitter 1, sweet 1, bittersweet 2, shoot yourself 1, bittersweet 3.


Oh, and I moved into a house. Whether or not Obama wins will determine whether or not I stay. I think the rest of my family is joking, but they've all said much the same thing as I have. I'm not going to go into any great detail as to why I'm voting Democrat or whatever (I hate everybody except for Laura Harris and Laura Bertram and that sweetie on those Progressive Insurance commercials. I should be voting Nader, because some guy on Red vs Blue said he hated everybody and he voted Nader) because despite the fact that this is the internet and I can hide behind sock puppets and what I really don't feel like "getting into it" with people right now. The only things I want to "get into" are the pants of one of the three aforementioned women I said I didn't hate.
But yah. If Obama wins, I stay.
If Obama loses, I'm going to go live in a cave in some far-off country (Finland is far away!) like Timothy of Gilliam from Highlander the Series.